I used to be a bit of a neat freak. I even managed to keep that habit up (mostly) with baby number one. By baby number two that standard of neatness became quite a bit more relaxed. And with the third it has kind of gone out the window. School holidays especially. Where I really find I just have to take a deep breath (or a few) and go with it. Let them scatter cards, books, lego and pencils. I tell myself that the mess is only temporary. That one day I will miss it. The mess, the noise and the constant questions.
Ignoring mess feels like it goes against my nature. I find myself feeling irritated and unable to relax amongst mess. Give me calm and order any day of the week. But I've had to learn to ignore the mess for my own and my kid's sanity. So I've been making a conscious effort to do just that. To let it go during the day with a combined tidy up in the evening. By not constantly tidying I'm more able to observe those little moments. When all three are happily busy with their activities. When I notice the co-operation, the sharing, the kindness amongst them even, and not just the fighting. Moments I would have been too busy to notice. It's those moments I realize how much I really do love being a parent. I forget that sometimes amongst all the disorder that is life.
How about you? Do you find yourself fighting your inner neat freak? Or are you naturally more relaxed about mess? How do you cope?
We only have the 1 little boy, but he is quite good at spreading his toys around all over the place. Hubby gets more stressed than I do, but we both just remind each other that it will take about 30 seconds to get it all picked up. I can see how adding more kiddos will change that, though!
ReplyDeleteoh messy comes quite naturally to me, I was born messy. Funny because my parents are very neat, I drove them insane. Even still, there are limits, and school holidays certainly test those. Wishing the cleaning faries would come so we could all just create magic and mayhem without the boring bits.
ReplyDeleteI am NOT a neat freak. I try to be neat, like you it goes against the grain of my personality! I can only last 3 days, then I need a nap ;)
ReplyDeleteIts easy to let the school holidays feel lie an endless round of making food,cleaning up after food, picking up stuff and listening to 3 kids bickering....
One day I will have no one to make food for (or a fat husband) no ones stuff to organise and a tidy house... and I think I will be lonely :)
Jacq
Wow, we really could be sisters - I feel the same way, and am slowly trying to just "go with the flow". I can already see that my list making, planning, neatness has already rubbed off on my oldest ( or maybe it is just in her genes)!
ReplyDeleteHow are you with unpacking? After a trip away, hubby and I immediately unpack everything......I grew up in a household where the suitcases would sit in the hallway for the next two weeks -this used to drive me crazy!!
Well done for learning to cope with the mess Tania..it took me till our fourth to learn to relax in that area and that purely came around due to us homeschooling and there not being enough hours in the day for me to physically do everything.
ReplyDeleteI still have a tendency to potter and pickup as I go and I much prefer to have a tidy house when visitors pop by but I am not nearly as bad as I used to be.
The thing I struggle with though is not being able to relax when I am surrounded by mess. Anthony and the kids have no problem with it though so maybe I need to take a lesson from them
x
Our school holidays have finished here in Queensland and now I am trying to cope with those days I allowed my kids to just 'be kids'. There was lego and barbies and baby dolls and meccano from one end of the house to the other. Add washing (lots of rain) and sand (the sandpit - Arrgh!) and like I said, I am just getting on top of it. We wont even mention the yard - lots of cubbie house building with crates and wood and sticks and sheets. But this holidays, more than any other time, I could see myself in my kids at play - how my holidays were for me at 6 and 7. FUN. I just took a deep breath and cooked. They left me alone in the kitchen and I left them to plan, share, discover, imagine, build: good old fashioned unstructured play. And no fighting. It was so worth the mess!
ReplyDeletehi tania. how are you? mess and i are not friends, but in saying that i let my kids be kids. i also find it hard to relax when our house is out of sorts. i always try and leave the clean up for when they are in bed or outdoors with peter. must be the libran thing in me and the need for balance. having a tidy home makes me happy. i have learnt to drop everything though and head outdoors leaving the clean up for later. it actually feels really good when you do. xo. ps: yes we are on school holidays though i am back in the office only for a few days, then off again for a long weekend. i love the colour of whatever you are knitting :)
ReplyDeleteWith half of my brood of seven grown and gone, I can say that yes, there will be many things you miss about their childhood......even the bits of 'mess'!
ReplyDeleteI have mostly chosen to view their messes as creativity...... although it helps that I am not naturally a neat freak, I suppose! When you have young children and older mums tell you to enjoy because it will be gone all too soon - listen carefully, because it's all too true!! inconceivable but true!
Thanks for sharing little bits of your journey.
Oh tania, how I wish I was a neat freak! I like tidy but never seem to achieve it, perhaps if I was more concerned my standards would be higher and my house clean, everywhere, all at the same time......xx Brenda
ReplyDeleteI am a neat freak and I really do find it card to cope with the mess, like you I feel a little irritated and just can't relax. I know it might sound absurd but I annoy myself because I find it hard to let go, really a little mess doesn't matter and I know that one day I will miss those moments of noise and mess. Enjoy the rest of your holidays. xx
ReplyDeleteumm.. Its great to hear I'm not alone !! I LOVE tidy!! but am learning to let it go with my 2, and doing the evening tidying up.. I find mess makes me stressful, clogs up my thinking... but as you said, embracing it for now because in the future, its that sort of mess we'll all miss !! :)
ReplyDeleteLauren
x
it's the constant mess that makes me terrified about going home. it is such a stress - 7 people to tidy up after!! i'm hoping to have a plan of action/different perspective by the time we have to go back to reality!!
ReplyDeleteYes i can definately relate to this, the more i play with my son the less i notice it. I think it has more to do with my worries about what other people will think that how i actually feel about it all.
ReplyDeleteI hate the mess, HATE IT! But like you, I have to remind myself to let it go and aim for a big tidy each evening. Still getting there on this one, though x
ReplyDeleteI hear you. I also find myself cleaning up their mess instead of getting them to do it. It just easier sometimes and besides they don't it right. My way, that is :)
ReplyDeleteI am a neat freak and Matt doesn't know how to put anything away so....I do have tend to go back and forth between insanity and laxity. But, I just have a hard time being relaxed when I can see clutter. But, at least I am only contending with one grown up man and not multiple children!
ReplyDeleteBig annoying neat freak here. I can't stand mess. I feel so frazzled and chaotic when things are messy. I know my friends may not fully agree but I really have chilled a fair bit over the past couple of years. I think age has helped me chill abit more. I don't think Lewi has got the neat gene though. He can make a mess with the best of them. Looks like I haven't traumatised him too much with my neat freakish behaviour. I imagine 3 kids would really chill you out - especially during the hols:) Happy messy times, Tania! xx
ReplyDeletePs those photos didn't look at all messy. Just wanted to add that. x
ReplyDeleteOh man. I struggle with this too, and I don't even have kids! Matt is finally having some success in convincing me that having things be a little messy is ok, and that while it is reasonable to wash dishes once a day and sweep the floors a couple times a week, obsessing about messes beyond that is not worth it. I keep having to remind myself, "if my house is functional and the dishes are clean, and there is not enough mess to pose a health hazard, we're doing pretty well"! And man, is it nice to forget about the mess and go read a book instead...
ReplyDeleteI wish I was more neat. But the mess gets to me too, I guess I'm somewhere in between!
ReplyDeleteMy solution is to clear off the tables every now and then, the clear surfaces make me feel much more relaxed.
I became more of a neat freak after having Cohen. I suddenly wanted everything clean and organised, a place for everything and everything in it's place. This has been more challenging at times since having Emerson, but I'm still a clean freak and feel most relaxed in a clean house. I like cleaning too. I love the satisfaction of an empty laundry basket and a clean floor. I am getting better at letting go though when we are really busy or sick.
ReplyDeleteI like Rhonda's advice in her 'Down to Earth' book, that cleaning is never finished. Once I would try to do everything first then give myself some down time. Now I try to reward myself. Like, picked up all the lego, washed the clothes and did the dishes, ok, time to knit!
I tend to tidy up before bed so we wake up to a clean house. I pick up and clean as we go through out the day and I do another tidy up before Dave gets home from work, so that he comes home to a clean house. But I swear, when visitors pop in unannounced, it is always when I haven't done the dishes and Cohen has done his tornado trick through out the house! :)
I've just returned from a week away from my people. I had forgotten what it was like for things to stay where you put them, to not have the floor littered with stuff, to have time to actually put things back where they belong. . . and know they'd stay there.
ReplyDeleterachel xo