Monday, April 23, 2012

mess and all




As the school holidays draw to a close I've been thinking about it all. I'll be completely honest and admit that there is a small sense of relief in them returning to school soon. I feel I haven't been as patient, as creative and giving of my time as I could be. I feel guilty that we didn't really go anywhere or do anything special. I feel guilty about all the yelling. It all does my head in sometimes.


For the truth of the matter is, the physical demands of a toddler, leave my patience and energy levels somewhat depleted. There is only so much of yourself you can give. There is only so much mess I can seem to handle.





With each new child I've been aware of what the new child takes away from the elder children. Time. My patience. Certain outings.


But I do think they have gained so much more. They themselves are learning patience with the younger one. They really adore her. For that I am thankful.


This is how I reconcile it all in my head. I know I'll never be the perfect mother (which doesn't exist anyway, but I swear I've seen a few on Pinterest). We are a bunch of different, highly spirited personalities all meshed together in this family. There isn't an easy one in the bunch.







But we're together. Getting through this jumbled up mess of life with it's highs and lows.


There has been baking, bike riding, drawing and reading. Friends and cousins over. I guess it doesn't sound so bad when you put it like that.








Yes, there is also a part of me that loves having them all at home. Mess and all.


20 comments:

Christina Lowry said...

I think my mother felt the same way at the end of the school holidays! Happy to have had us at home, glad to see us going back to school again. :)

Don't be too hard on yourself though, it really is wasted effort and we are so much harder on ourselves than anyone else ever would be.

I've started reading 'Buddhism for mothers' in order to hopefully improve my patience and ability to cope with everything mothering throws at you. Might be worth finding at the library? I'll let you know what I think when I am further in to it. xx

Enchanted Moments said...

I hear you..loud and clear with the yelling thrown in for good measure...the dynamics of a family with three interesting and challenging souls of children is indeed exhausting...I am going through a seriously hard stage with my eldest boy...the sweet middle m is getting left out, I just know it....... :(
And little m, the third, well, is demanding and gorgeous all rolled into one.............and amongst it I am still grieving for my fourth little one that I lost before it had the chance to be a part of this mixed pot of a family...sigh...the good, the bad, the ugly and today the mess to clean up....it will all pass.... I love blogs that share the real world of motherhood... x Im off for a cup of tea and a sit down for five more minutes...

OurGangof7 said...

I think that is the joy of motherhood,,,,the guilt! Even though my youngest is now ten, I feel terrible that we too, didn't do anything much during the holidays. The kids spent way too much time on Xbox. The saving grace is that they all had a friend over or went over to a friend's house at least once and we got to go to the pool and down the beach a couple of times with our dog. I remember the days where toddlers roamed the house and I felt like the older kids missed out because of the limitations you face with younger kids. I think it doesn't matter what stage of parenting you are at, you always feel guilty. This is something that you never get told before becoming a parent I'm sure lol.
You are doing a great job and you have beautiful children. Chin up and keep doing what you are doing, because you are doing a fantastic job!!

Jane said...

Sheesh, parental guilt probably hits me hardest during school holidays too. I've had so much work to do, the big boys have spent way too much time playing Wii and the little one has missed his usual one-on-one time with me. But a few great playdates and family outings and it's not so bad after all. The mess? Eh... I have developed kind of blinkers for it I think.
I love the biscuits with funny faces :)

Robyn N said...

I just love your honesty. I'm a mother of 3 young daughters and I feel quilty all the time (I work 9 - 3pm) every day. My housework is done afternoons/nights and I feel like I just don't get to sit down and enjoy the girls fully. You may think you haven't done anything with them on the holidays but when you break if down per day you will realise that its not so bad after all. Love your blog!

The Provincial Homemaker said...

I only have a toddler (number 2 is due on Wednesday:)) but, beautiful little soul that she is, she can still have me at the end of my tether with the mess and the constant demands for attention. I can only imagine it times 3. Chin up:)

Nicole Sanders said...

Oh mothers guilt, we all suffer from it. How bad we feel when we yell at our children and get upset when the house is a mess - when the kids are just being kids! None of us are perfect, if the ones that think they are - they aren't.
Sometimes the simple things in life are the best and the ones the kids gain from the most. It's about time together and trying to enjoy each moment, as they grow up too quickly.
Don't beat yourself up, you are doing a great job!

dixiebelle said...

Mess, embrace it! (I am trying to). Talking of Pinterest, I saw a quote that went something like this:

A messy home is a happy home. My home must be delirious.

Maven in training said...

Yep being a mummy is hard but rewarding, Your best is the best. Be kind to yourself i'm sure your doing great. xx

Lilian said...

Pinterest is such a double edged sword isn't it? It's where I gather inspiration but sometimes I find that it starts to conjure up idyllic pictures of how things should be - whether it's the kitchen, the household, the garden or life. It's then that I decide it's time to take a break from it for a while and just experience 'real life' - real life is messy, embrace it.

Jode said...

Good ol mother guilt...i suffer from it regularly...even when it is the teen bored on school holidays so sorry to say it doesn't lessen as they get older! I've learnt to accept that i do the best that i can for our family and we will never be perfect...that's why i like to write about our imperfections as sometimes parenting blogs and pinterest scare me a little and that mother guilt comes out again!!!
Sounds to me like you provided lots of fun experiences and i'm sure the kids were just as happy making their own fun at times too!
Hope you managed a cuppa and some mummy time this morning xx

jenlouw said...

This is why I love your blog so much - you are honest and someone who I am able to relate to. The fact that you are worried about such issues shows that you are a loving, fantastic Mum.

Greer said...

Relief in the holidays being over? I hear you! And I only have a preschooler!!! I think these short breaks are harder than the long Christmas one because there isn't enough time to find the full-time rhythm. Suffice to say, if my girl's preschool could've started at 6pm tonight, I would have sent her out the door happily!!!

simone17 said...

That post is in a nutshell what should be next to Motherhood in the dictionary ;) Thanks for your honesty, you truly aren't alone.

You may think that you haven't done "much" or "anything special" but just hanging out at home, having time without rushing around and you as the mum there with them is a gift you have given them. Problem is it is just so undervalued and every holiday is supposed to be full of "special" outings etc. This dawned on me every time my kids gave me the thumbs up when I said "nothing" to their questions as to what we had on. With being at school all week they seem to crave time just at home, playing and well, being kids (including the mess haha). One question: did they complain?

humble habit said...

I know where you're coming from, I think we all have moments like this. My littlest is into cutting at the minute, cutting everything, paper millions of bits of it, her hair, my bunting anything. Ohhh the mess, the paper I can handle as it buys me time, time to get stuff done.
I don't know about you but a little bit of occasional care might just be what we need.

Little Home In The Country said...

Such a transparent post - we all feel the same at one time or another, I can assure you! I know exactly what you mean about the older ones missing out on things because of having a younger babe in the house... we've been through that many times with 5 kids, but you know, it's not the outings that they will remember with fondness - it's the things that you are doing.... baking, living, loving and making messes at home XO

flutterbymama said...

A while back my little boy and I walked into his room; toys were strewn everywhere, you could barely see the floor. He stated, 'Oh my goodness this is so beautiful.' I, on the other hand had an entirely different view. Despite my disgust I held my thoughts, I surrendered to the 'beauty' and left him to admire is work for just a little bit longer.

Sarah said...

I just wanted to let you know that we are just coming out the other side of this ''thing'' you are going through! Our toddler is almost two and things are finally getting easier, my patience is gradually returning and there is a lot less yelling! I too felt bad for my older two, but I honestly don't think they were aware that were missing things! There will be plenty of time....to me it sounds like you had a nice holiday. We only had one outing to the movies....we seemed to be too tied down by the midday nap for anything else!! Hang in there!

teawithhazel said...

my children are well and truly grown up (32,31,28) but i still fell guilty about not having been the mother i would like to have been when they were young..now though that they are older and i am not under the pressures i was then i can give so much more to them..in every way..i am grateful that there is never an end to being a parent..

christmasriver said...

Yep, definitely nodding in agreement with you on this!