Monday, April 23, 2012
mess and all
As the school holidays draw to a close I've been thinking about it all. I'll be completely honest and admit that there is a small sense of relief in them returning to school soon. I feel I haven't been as patient, as creative and giving of my time as I could be. I feel guilty that we didn't really go anywhere or do anything special. I feel guilty about all the yelling. It all does my head in sometimes.
For the truth of the matter is, the physical demands of a toddler, leave my patience and energy levels somewhat depleted. There is only so much of yourself you can give. There is only so much mess I can seem to handle.
With each new child I've been aware of what the new child takes away from the elder children. Time. My patience. Certain outings.
But I do think they have gained so much more. They themselves are learning patience with the younger one. They really adore her. For that I am thankful.
This is how I reconcile it all in my head. I know I'll never be the perfect mother (which doesn't exist anyway, but I swear I've seen a few on Pinterest). We are a bunch of different, highly spirited personalities all meshed together in this family. There isn't an easy one in the bunch.
But we're together. Getting through this jumbled up mess of life with it's highs and lows.
There has been baking, bike riding, drawing and reading. Friends and cousins over. I guess it doesn't sound so bad when you put it like that.
Yes, there is also a part of me that loves having them all at home. Mess and all.